Within a smile

Standing on the beach,
sand beneath my feet.
cool air, hint of rain.
a calm before the storm.
Tidal waves are rushing in.
learn to swim before the flood.
i should have known way before,
that this relationship i had.

Was going nowhere fast.
was never going to last.
was everything i needed.
was not what i wanted for me.
The clouds assemble,
our sky turned to grey.
then she departed,
and left me far away.
Sitting now, days behind.
trying to contemplate,
my current state of mind.
i was so lost without her.
Not another soul on earth,
would i ever try to confide.
i thought that this longing,
would linger until i died.
It was then when i was down,
that i had seen your face.
the smile you made for me,
an evanescent glance to chase.
Like light seeping through,
a hazed and shrouded sky.
a ray of sunshine sublime,
and blinded my withered eyes.
For the first time in years,
i was granted hope and serenity.
mercy, severity. god please,
allow this angel to notice me.
You must have fallen from heaven.
the seccond i layed sight on you.
for that moment time stood still.
so for once i knew what i wanted.
Soon confusion settled in,
was so unsure of what to do.
for if i let this be known,
sparks a chance of losing you.
This secret kept deep inside.
i made choice to not conceive,
and forever let it hide.
in return you wouldn't leave.
If i never told you,
i couldn't push you away.
this light i now cling to,
would speak to me today.

Concepts like 'what if', and 'why',
start racing through my mind.
how long could i keep this feeling,
all to myself of a hidden kind?
I must not be so selfish,
this time now i will share.
how i feel about you entirely,
and how so very much i care.
What you will choose to do,
with this feeling that i relate.
concerns me not this time,
for it's been too delayed.
You have to know right now,
just how much you have helped me.
to witness beauty in this life,
and shined to me a goal to see.
Just being around you,
i feel this warmth radiate.
sorry, but i had to let you know,
of your glowing effect on me.
You make me want to be,
such a better man daily.
you help me to express myself,
so much more creatively.
Now that you know, just how i feel.
you mean a lifetime more to me.
infinity awaits your answer,
all the while i sit and think.
It will be hard to accept all of me.
i know you have been wronged before.
believe me i would never lie to you,
or jeopardize my new found light.
Would you open up your heart to me?
could you ever let my trust inside?
if not could we be best of friends?
forget about life, relax in car and drive?
It doesn't matter to where.
maybe someplace far away,
or just around the block or two.
whatever just aslong as i can say,
Your existance in my life,
is a gift of priceless joy.
the prize that i received,
is a debt i could never repay.
No matter how hard i try,
i can't fully express in words.
of how your angelic smile,
has completely enveloped me.
Now that my mind is clear.
all that i am left with,
and anything that i have.
is just this longing for.
The girl,
the angel,
the light,
that changed me.