Wallowing

Sometimes I feel crazy, like I lost half of my mind
Moving outta decline without a ladder to climb
And half of the time, I feel like I'm actually fine
Battling my personality's a habit of mine
I have it in line until I start to think
I zoned off so long I forgot to blink
'Til my hands go numb and I drop my drink
And the bath keeps fillin' while I start to sink
My heart just shrinks while I drown in the tub
Phone ringing, but I can't hear the sound of the buzz
Feeling like paradise after downing them drugs
I don't think it'll kill me, but I'm down if it does
And as I drown in the silence
The phone ringing by the sink starts sounding like a siren
Heard mama's voice saying, "This is real life shit"
"And boy, I didn't raise you to be nothing like this!"
"You better start fighting!"
"And if you can't swing them hands little man, then you better start biting!"
"You better start breathing!"
"You got a little brother -- he needs someone to look up to and to believe in!"
"You're too young to be leaving, and you and the man up above ain't even!"
Pain and regret: I'm laying right between 'em
I had ten drinks and I still haven't eaten
Head keeps pounding, heart still beating
Water starts bubbling 'cause I start screaming
Climbed out the tub and I started dry heaving
Thinking that it's time that I slaughtered my demons, I
Let it sink in until the mood's gone
I'm done feeling hollow, I've been wallowing too long
How can I sit and not bother to move on?
When I got a dream and a father to prove wrong
I mean I gotta keep fighting this
I made it this far after all types of shit
Still haven't grown, haven't had a wife and kids
I mean I'm nineteen with a life to live
And sometimes it gets a lot harder than this
Think it's no good for you, but a part of it is
Don't agree? Please pardon me then
And Lord: keep watching in case I fall off again