Under the black sun

All my entire life, all i do is just thinking a lot, and i can't understand...
i tried to escape from myself and my thoughts from vision's whispering
words: "there is no way back"
My lord tell me what have i done wrong,
that you hid away from me my sun?
for all this time i feel the same pain,
so how can i release myself from thoughts that darken my life?
"i am an angel, sent by the devil
to make you feel pain what jesus felt by the candlelight
when he cried alone in devilish abyss, lamented his freedom
so he was punished for his cross that he put on mankind"
What have i do to return peace on earth?
"you have nothing to do, just suffer like christ"
so why do these thoughts attend my mind?
"i can't tell you right now, all i can - it's just burning your mind"
Feel dislike to my god
"can you feel? you burn under black sun!"
"burn alone under black sun!"
"night! it comes to you when you sleep in sane, fever burning your mind
visions from the past take your soul to place where hope and love die
her breath through my breath over lips of yours makes her lust to come true"
darkful-her delight, you drown in the night, choking, bleeding your soul
cries for you
Born alone under black sun
"fall from grace to be no-one!"
[december 1999]