To a loyal friend

Once there was a time
When the conquest of pain
Was all that I could hope for,
Had been my only aim.
Happiness or joy merely words without meaning,
They were unwanted anyway as surely out off place.
All I wanted was the voices to be silent,
A brief moment in the Dark ,
In loneliness and chill.
How I wished my mind could escape
The carnal dungeon that was flying silently
Through space while I lay gagged and chained within.
Today my view strangely increased
It is beyond compare,
But nothing became easier,
I'm still struggling to be free.
A thousand different things dare
To appear before my eyes now,
They come and leave untouched,
Because still I cannot see.
In true darkness there's no choice
Than to discover the uselessness of eyes,
Giving birth from their own despair.
Here eyes can nothing
But decay and if I fail do identify
Myself with them then their destiny I'll share
You are with me all the time
All the time.
So very unreasonable had been my fear.
How could I ever believe
That I might be losing you
When forever we're connected and you are part of me.
It's your omnipresence
That defines the way in which I do exist force - fully
Leading me back to where I do belong.
Opening my eyes
To see the true essence of my being
By dissolving the distractions of the outer world.
In the loneliness of the pain
You bring the isolation of my soul
Guarantees the maintenance
Of the only thing that I know:
My natural and obvious differency.
Beloved old friend and life-time companion,
Without you to nothing I would fall.
Your power pervades me and lies me low,
But at the same time
A new strength is born in my soul.
In a universe of change
And continuous movement I am counting
On you since I know you shall last.
Being my darkness and the basis of splendor light-giving
Background as most fertile past.
You \"trance-formation\",
Source of understanding
You are the power that is pulling me down.
Whenever a lightness seeks to carry me away
You connect me safely to the ground.
You chill of my winter,
Eternal Saturn-sphere,
Petrified and frozen,
With a logic cold as ice.
I walk through the world look in surprise at the living,
Without being able to share their strange delight.
Beloved old friend and bringer
Of sadness,
Shadow like cloak,
Almost matter so real.
You slip right through me
Like I was merely membrane,
My feelings so ambivalent when my wounds refuse to heal