The monster montage

Judy:
(Out of pantomime)
AND IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I'D EVER
SEEN A DEAD BODY.
BUT THEN WHEN I WAS FIFTEEN
THE MOST TERRIBLE THING HAPPENED.
THE TED MACK AMATEUR HOUR HELD AUDITIONS IN ST. LOUIS
AND I DIDN'T HEAR ABOUT IT 'TIL AFTER THEY'D GONE
AND I NEARLY KILLED MYSELF....

(Line turns and walks Downstage)

Judy:
NEARLY KILLED MYSELF.
I TRIED TO WALK IN FRONT OF A SPEEDING STREETCAR
AND I REMEMBER NOTICING BOYS FOR THE FIRST TIME.

(Line people are now on line and lights come up)

Judy:
Anyway, I remember practising kissing with Leslie. She was my
best girl friend. Did any of you ever practice kissing
with another girl....
SO THAT WHEN THE TIME CAME YOU'D KNOW HOW TO?

(Judy listens, everyone is silent)

Judy:
No?....Oh my God.

(After a moment)

Kristine:
Judy?

Judy:
Did you, girl?

Kristine:
Yeah....But just a couple of times.

Sheila:
Oh, count me in.

Judy:
Thank God!
(Backing into line.)
Anyway, I do remember....

Greg:
(Stepping forward)
The worst thing in school was every time the teacher called on me....
I'D BE HARD, I'D BE HARD.
Really, I'd have to lean up against the desk like this.
(He demonstrates) And the teacher would say:
"STAND UP STRAIGHT."
"I can't, I have a pain in my side."
"STAND UP STRAIGHT."
Or walking down the hall, you'd have to walk like this,
WITH ALL YOUR BOOKS STAKED UP IN FRONT OF YOU.

Mike:
Yeah, I thought it was only me. I thought I was a sex maniac.

Connie and Maggie:
YOU ARE!

Bobby:
I did too. I mean, it didn't go down for three years.

Greg:
And the bus, the bus was the worst. I'd just look at a bus and....
BINGO
And then there was the time I was making out in the back seat with Sally Ketchum....We were necking and I was feeling her boobs, and
feeling her boobs and after about an hour or so she said....
"OOOHHH! DON'T YOU WANT TO FEEL ANYTHING ELSE?"
And I suddenly thought to myself: "No, I don't."

Zach:
Did that come as a surprise to you?

Greg:
I guess, yeah. It was probably the first time I realised I was a
homosexual and I got so depressed because I thought being gay
meant being a bum
all the rest of my life and I said:
"GEE, I'LL NEVER GET TO WEAR NICE CLOTHES...."
And I was really into clothes, I had this pair of powder blue and pink gabardine pants....

(Greg goes into pantomime, the group breaks upstage from the line)

Chorus (Melody):
GOODBYE TWELVE
GOODBYE THIRTEEN
HELLO LA-A-A-OVE.

Al:
EARLY TO BED
EARLY TO RISE
YOUR BROAD GOES OUT WITH OTHER GUYS.

Cassie:
A DIAPHRAGM, A DIAPHRAGM.
I THOUGHT A DIAPHRAGM WAS UP HERE,
WHERE YOU BREATHE.

Don:
I BOUGHT A CAR.
I BOUGHT MY FIRST CAR.

Mike:
Padiddle.

Chorus (Melody):
CHANGES, OH,
DOWN BELOW
UP A - ...

Mark:
EV'RY GIRL I KNOW HAS LOCKJAW OF THE LEGS.

Connie:
YOU'RE NOT LEAVING THIS HOUSE 'TILL YOUR TWENTY-ONE.

Kristine:
THE UGLIEST BOY ASKED ME TO THE PROM, I STAYED HOME.

Maggie:
LIFE IS AN ASHTRAY

Val:
SHIT, MADE IT THROUGH HIGH SCHOOL WITHOUT GROWING TITS.

Chorus (Melody):
... DOUBT,
TO BREAK OUT
IT'S A MESS
TIME TO GROW,
TIME TO GO,
A-DO ....

Richie:
MY TROUBLE IS WINE, WOMEN AND SONG.
I CAN'T GET ANY OF 'EM

Mike:
YOUR BROTHER'S GOING TO MEDICAL SCHOOL, AND YOU'RE DROPPING
OUT TO BE A CHORUS BOY. NOTHING!

Bebe:
STEVE MCQUEEN OUT.
NUREYEV IN!

Diana:
YOU GOTTA KNOW SOMEBODY TO BE SOMEBODY.

Maggie:
GRA - DU - A - TION!

Sheila:
YOU RUN AROUND WITH ARE BUMS.

Al:
I GOT NANCY'S PICTURE, ANNABELLE'S LOCKET,
CYNTHIA'S RING AND LUCY'S PANTS.
HEAD-ON COLLISION!
EDDIE GOT KILLED....

Richie:
LET'S DANCE, LET'S DANCE

Paul:
WHAT AM I GONNA SAY WHEN HE CALLS ON ME?

Judy (and Vicki offstage):
MY ONLY ADOLESCENCE, MY ONLY ADOLESCENCE,
MY ONLY ADOLESCENCE.

Judy, Kristine, and Vicki:
MY ONLY ADOLESCENCE....

Diana and Bebe (and Lois offstage):
WHERE DID IT GO? IT WAS SO....
WHERE DID IT GO? IT WAS SO....

Val, Diana, Bebe, and Lois:
WHERE DID IT GO? IT WAS SO....
WHERE DID IT GO? IT WAS SO....

Greg, Bobby, and Mike:
FRESHMORE, SOPHMORE, JUNIOR, SENIOR,
FRESHMORE, SOPHMORE, JUNIOR, SENIOR,

Sheila, Maggie and Don (and Tricia offstage):
THIRTEEN, FOURTEEN, FIFTEEN, SIXTEEN
THIRTEEN, FOURTEEN, FIFTEEN, SIXTEEN

Mark, Connie, Cassie, Richie, Maggie, Judy, Vicki, Paul, Larry, Al:
SUDDENLY I'M SEVENTEEN AND,

(Upstage black panels change to mirrors)

All:
SUDDENLY I'M SEVENTEEN AND...
SUDDENLY I'M SEVENTEEN AND
SUDDENLY,

THERE'S A LOT
I AM NOT
CERTAIN OF,

GOODBYE TWELVE,
GOODBYE THIRTEEN,
HELLO....

(ALL form into four groups for "scat" counterpoint section
and dance break)

Girls (I):
DOO,
DIT DIT DOO, DIT DIT DOO, DIT DIT DOO, DIT DIT DOO,
DIT DIT DOO, DIT DIT DOO, DIT DIT DOO, DIT DIT DOO,
DIT DIT DOO, DIT DIT DOO, DIT DIT DOO, DIT DIT DOO,
DIT DIT DOO, DIT DIT DOO, DIT DIT DOO, DIT.

Girls (II):
DEE DU DEE DU DEE DU, DEE DEE DU DIT,
DEE DU DEE DU DEE DU, DEE DEE DU DIT,
DEE DU DEE DU DEE DU, DEE DEE DU DIT,
DEE DU DEE DU DEE DU, DEE DEE DU DIT,
DEE DU DEE DU DEE DU, DEE DEE DU DIT,
DEE DU DEE DU DEE DU, DEE DEE DU DIT,
DEE DU DEE DU DEE DU, DEE DEE DU DIT,
DEE DU DEE DU DEE DU, DEE DEE DU.

Boys (III)
WAH, WAH WAH WAH, WAH, WAH WAH WAH,
WAH, WAH WAH WAH, WAH, WAH WAH WAH,
WAH, WAH WAH WAH, WAH, WAH WAH WAH,
WAH, WAH WAH WAH, WAH

Boys (IV):
DOO, DOO DOO DOO DOO, DOO DOO DOO AH,
DOO, DOO DOO DOO DOO, DOO DOO DOO AH,
DOO, DOO DOO DOO DOO, DOO DOO DOO AH,
DOO, DOO DOO DOO DOO, DOO DOO DOO AH,
DOO, DOO DOO DOO DOO, DOO DOO DOO AH,
DOO, DOO DOO DOO DOO, DOO DOO DOO AH,
DOO, DOO DOO DOO DOO, DOO DOO DOO AH,
DOO, DOO DOO DOO DOO, DOO DOO DOO AH

(Dance breaks. The cast ends up in a clump center stage. Suddenly
they break into an angry and animated montage of individual stories,
then separating into two groups, right and left. Richie is left
center stage.)

Richie:
GIMME THE BALL,
GIMME THE BALL,
GIMME THE BALL. YEAH!

GIMME THE BALL,
GIMME THE BALL,
GIMME THE BALL. YEAH!

I WAS ALWAYS RUNNIN' AROUND SHOUTIN',
"GIMME THE BALL,
GIMME THE BALL,
GIMME THE BALL. YEAH"

I WAS SO ENTHUSIASTIC.
I WAS IN EV'RYTHING.
THE YEARBOOK IS FILLED WITH MY PICTURES,
AND I WAS LUCKY 'CAUSE I GOT
A SCHOLARSHIP TO COLLEGE.
A SCHOLARSHIP TO COLLEGE!
SO I WENT.

Chorus:
SO HE WENT.

Richie:
YES, I WENT.

Chorus:
YES, HE WENT.

Richie:
SO I'M GONNA BE THIS KINDERGARTEN TEACHER....
Imagine me -- this kindergarten teacher? And I thought....
SHIT

Chorus:
SHIT, RICHIE.

Richie:
SHIT

Chorus:
SHIT, RICHIE

Richie:
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA BE?

Chorus:
SHIT, RICHIE, SHIT, RICHIE,

Richie:
WHEN YOU GET SHOVED OUTTA HERE

Chorus:
SHIT, RICHIE, SHIT, RICHIE,

Richie:
HONEY, AINT NOBODY GONNA BE STANDIN' THERE

Chorus:
SHIT, RICHIE, SHIT, RICHIE,

Richie:
WITH NO SCHOLARSHIP TO LIFE

Chorus:
SHIT, RICHIE, SHIT, RICHIE.

Richie:
AND I WAS SCARED.

Chorus:
SHIT, RICHIE.

Richie:
SCARED.

Chorus:
SHIT, RICHIE.

Richie:
SCARED!!

Chorus:
SHIT, RICHIE.

Richie:
SCARED!!!

Chorus:
SHIT, RICHIE.

Girls:
MY BRACES GONE.

Boys:
MY PIMPLES GONE.

All:
MY CHILDHOOD GONE,
GOODBYE.
GOODBYE TWELVE.
GOODBYE THIRTEEN.
GOODBYE FOURTEEN.
GOODBYE FIFTEEN.
GOODBYE SIXTEEN.
GOODBYE SEVENTEEN.
HELLO LOVE.

GO TO IT.
GO TO IT.
GO TO IT.
GO TO IT.
GO TO IT.
GO TO IT.

Boys:
AND NOW LIFE REALLY BEGINS.

Girls:
GO TO IT.

Boys:
AND NOW LIFE REALLY BEGINS.

Girls:
GO TO IT.

Boys:
AND NOW LIFE REALLY BEGINS.

Girls:
GO TO IT.

Boys:
AND NOW LIFE REALLY BEGINS.

Girls:
GO TO IT.

All:
GO TO IT.