So many nights

So many nights i prayed
that this would just stop,
i woke out of my sleep from
a sound of a popped lock
my heart would drop to the ground
maybe the fact that my pops wasn't around
forced you to found these guys
that would just knock you down
or beat you around.
I don't know.
my innocence was lost back then,
not to be found.
and in a sense it's like this world
was just weighing me down,
leaning it's weight hard on my shoulders,
making my heart less warm and much more colder,
a chip off my tooth and a chip on my shoulder.
I told y'all that i don't play,
i've seen that drama every goddamned day.
so go ahead, yap away,
cuz now you got a lot to say.
cast your judgements,
cast all your stones.
Holding my hand, holding on
to everything i have
cuz it's slipping away so fast.
i was like six then,
we ain't have a pot to piss in,
while most kids lives consist of shine
and glisten,
mine was lined with mischief.
A boy flipping, devoid of times
you find joy in reminiscing.
it's like time was missing,
years was passing,
i was inside while kids
was outside laughing.
no time for games,
their fake toy planes was crashing
while me?
my life was crashing.
At night fist fights left
my mom's face smashed in,
her ass blasted,
threw her down a flight of stairs,
alone and scared i stared
at eyes of a man who didn't care,
my father was never there.
now i am prepared for this lifetime that's unfair. this life i fight from the bottom to the top.
this life i had to fight for all that i got.
it hurts but i still won't stop till my casket drops.