Osama

SKETCH:
The building's coming down,
there's nothing we can do.

MAXXIE:
If I'm to die,
I'd rather it be with you
than anyone else in the world.

SKETCH:
Darling, oh, darling, how long
I've waited to hear those words.

MAXXIE:
Once I was a lonely banker
All I cared for
were margins and accounts

SKETCH in MICHELLE’s voice:
I'd pass you
on the phone each morning
I knew one day that
love would sprout

MAXXIE & MICHELLE:
Then came the day
Osama blew us away

CHOIR:
(Osama blew them away)

MAXXIE & MICHELLE:
And now I know how I feel. CHOIR:
Then came the day
Osama blew us away
Osama blew them away
Then came the day
Osama blew us away
Osama blew them away
Then came the day...

MR. GELPART:
No, no, no, no, no, NO!
No.

MICHELLE:
I'd bring you coffee and a bagel
But you never had the time for me
I dreamed that one day you'd say, "Hey, girl"
"That bagel's mighty fine, it's plain to see"
Then came the day
Osama blew us away

CHOIR:
(Osama blew them away)

MICHELLE:
And now you know how I feel

CHOIR:
Then came the day
Osama blew us away
Osama blew them away...

MAXXIE:
Shit…

MICHELLE:
Just time to say the things I must
Before my hopes all turn to dust
Now nothing seems to matter
And every word is true
When I say I'm blown away
With you

SKETCH:
Then came the day
You blew me away CHOIR:
Osama blew them away
What can I say?

SKETCH:
You blew me away
And now I'm falling...

CHOIR:
Now I'm falling

SKETCH:
We're falling...
In love.

CHRIS:
If Rome won't go to Mohammed, then
Mohammed will clap until it does.

ABIGAIL:
Hi, Tony.

TONY:
That's someone's seat.

ABIGAIL:
Yes, honey, it's for your queen bee.
Zzzzzz!

CHRIS:
Works every time.

MAXXIE:
We-e-e-e-e-e're...
The last of the super powers
George Dubya is our leader
We've still got both Twin Towers
Never heard of Al-Qaeda
It's September the 11th
Just another day
In a tower in downtown heaven
New York City
US of A

ALL:
Today will be better
Today will be the one
Today is no red letter
It's out there to be won

MAXXIE:
Today my sun is shining

CHOIR:
(Shining)

MAXXIE:
Today is somewhere new
Today's a silver lining
Today will see me through

CHOIR:
Today will be better
Today will be the one
Today is no red letter
It's out there to be won

SKETCH:
Today you'll know I love you
Today you'll see it's true
Today's a day for saying "I love you"

CHOIR:
“What a swell day to live in America!”
“Gee, it sure is, buddy!”
“How much do you make today?”
“One million bucks!”
“Did you see the Wall Street Journal?”
“Stocks are rising!”
“Have a nice day! Have a nice day!”
Today will be better
Today will be the one...

MAXXIE:
Michelle? Is Chelle OK?

SKETCH:
I just gave her some mild
stuff to make her vomit.
The look of her waist,
I'm sure she's thrown up worse.

MAXXIE:
Who the f*** are you?

SKETCH:
Do you believe in magic, Maxxie?
When we kiss...
When we kiss...

MAXXIE:
I'm gay!
Do you understand that?!

SKETCH:
Look at me! I'm as close
to a boy as you can get!
You could love me.
We could love each other.

MAXXIE:
You're fuc*** crazy!

BOY:
Excuse me. Excuse me.
I'm Boogie-Woogie Bagel Boy
Let's get stuffed

CHOIR:
He's the Boogie-Woogie Bagel Boy
Watch him move...

SKETCH:
You see? Just like a boy.
Can you feel how hard
my heart is beating?
That's because by the end
of this play, you'll have kissed me.
And when you kiss me, everything
will change. Maxxie, I love you.
That's our cue.

MAXXIE:
Once I was a lonely banker
All I cared for
were margins and accounts
I dreamed
Of Dow Jones and the FTSE
I didn't see my credit running out

SKETCH:
I passed you
on the phone each morning
I always gave a cheery smile
But you
You never even saw me
You were
far too busy all the while

MAXXIE & SKETCH:
Then came the day
Osama blew us away

CHOIR:
Osama blew them away

MAXXIE & SKETCH:
And now you know how I feel

CHOIR:
Then came the day
Osama blew us away
Osama blew them away
Then came the day
Osama blew us away
Osama blew them away
Then came the day
Osama blew us away

MAXXIE:
Nothing.
I felt... nothing.
You disgust me.

SKETCH:
No!
That's not how it goes!
It's not! It's not!

MAXXIE:
You think you can f*** my life
up and I'll start fancying you?
Look at yourself.
Stay out of my life.

CHRIS:
Now that's an ending!