Numb phase

What didn't kill me
left me cold enough to live this lie
now i drift desensitized reality has
had it's way with this time
confidence now lost in comfort
of familiar habits
i know it's destructive
but i can not get past this barricade
i boiled up inside too high
i've got to pull out of numbing phase
hold down this fear
push back self doubt
i'm most afraid that i will fall to failure
so much to say can't get it out
it's all a waste chaste
forced to indignant taste
self propelled rejection
it's more than i can take (right now)
so sick of hiding from what i can't face
so sick of hiding from what i can't face
i must get through this wall of insecurity
the thought of rejection more than
i can take and i've got to get out of this numb phase
set numb aside