My favorite mistake was you

Alone at night I think about what I'd do
if the person I was meant to be - ever shines through
how I spend my days trying to be
the kind of kid that you want close to you
and I kno how this one ends
we want the ones that we can't have
so what the f*** is wrong with me?
why can't I let go of you?
the first time all I saw were your eyes
and now I can't stand to look inside them
it's not your distance that's killing me
it's being close to you that makes me close to myself
and I can't stand the way I am
I push away the ones who love me
and I embrace the apathy
and hang from all your lies
and if i could I'd take back my words
and heal my heart
if i could I'd take back the secrets
my stiched up heart
if I could I'd forget your face
a brand new start
if I could I'd show you how
you tore me apart