Mr. mistoffelees

Spoken intro:
you ought to know about mr. mistoffelees the original conjuring cat. (there can be no doubt about that.) please listen to me and don't scoff. all his inventions are off his own bat. theres no such cat in the metropolis: he holds all the patent monopolies, for performing surprising illusions and creating eccentric confusions.

Song:
The greatest magicians have something to learn
from mister mistoffelees conjuring turn.
and you'll all say:
oh! well i never was there ever a cat so clever as magical mister mistoffelees.
he is quiet he is small he is black,
from his ears to the tip of his tail.
he can creep through the tiniest crack,
he can walk on the narrowest rail.
he can pick any card from a pack,
he is equally cunning with dice.
he is always deceiving you into believing that he's only hunting for mice.
he can play any trick with a cork,
or a spoon and a bit of fish paste.
if you look for a knife or a fork
and you think it is merely misplaced;
you have seen it one moment and then it is gone,
but you find it next week lying out on the lawn.
Chorus:
and we all say: oh! well i never was there ever a cat so clever as magical mister mistoffelees.
(repeat)
My manner is vague and aloof,
you would think there is nobody shyer,
but my voice has been heard on the roof
when i was curled up by the fire,
and i've sometimes been heard by the fire;
when i was around on the roof
(at least they all heard that somebody purred)
which is incontestable proof
of my singular magical powers,
and i've known the family to call
me in the garden for hours
while i was asleep in the hall.
and not long ago this phenomenal cat
produced seven kittens right out of a hat!
Chorus
And not long ago this phenomenal cat,
produced seven kittens right out of a hat!
Chorus