Lost perfection a. coulrophobia

These hours seem like years...i've been staring at this wall, wondering
when it's going to take all of our lives. i'm just glad we have jokes. i
think way too much back here. my eyes are slowly closing; boredom is
causing this loss of interest. when will i awake? asleep...
this party of four includes three grown adults and myself. the first
adult is very shy and wise enough to keep the second one from
conversation. (they're on a mission). gender is not recognized. the
third adult is a male and talks too much. the stench of shit is in the
air...
the room storms with laughter...fours turns into a hundred and the noise
is unbearable. "it's time, you are in hell, this place will kill itself
soon!"
i cry, and the hands surround me. born into a hell...
i never wanted to wake to this. i hae experienced nothing, yet i feel i'm
the only one who has not done harm. if only i could understand how to
change things...i can't fuc*** think. the noise is unbearable. the
noise stops.