In da pub

Go go........go on love its my birthday!
you look tarty love it's my birthday!
i'll buy you a barcardi love it's my birthday!
and you know imp having a laugh it's not my birthday!
[chorus x2]
you can find me in the pub with a pint of bud
look love i've got a fiver if you let me see your jugs
i'm in to playing to darts, i ain't in to growing shrubs
so come fill up my mug before my fag gets stubbed
When i pull up out front you see my vauxhall nova
when i hit the bar its ten pints before i'm over
i came to watch the game cause i'm a blackburn rover
and i'm munching m&ms while im downing smirnova
but only nothings changed cash down bottoms up
and i got a paper cut from rolling my rizla up
if you watch how i move you'll mistake me for a geezer or gimp
cause i fell down the stairs and now walk with a limp
in the back bits of watford they say fifty you hot
they like me i want them to love me like lesbian hot
but go in to hemel-hempsted they'll tell you i'm crazy
cause i once got drunk and humped the statue of a lady
but i'm fully focused nowwww
tea and coffee on my mind
got a part time job in the daily grind
and this girls yeah
she loves my hair
she likes my car
her friend is fit but she's as ugly too riiiigggggghhhhhtttttt
[chorus x2]
My girlfriends mum give me the cash
that bought me all my fancy stuff
my couch, my fridge, my plates, my waste
look mate i'm tied down but i ain't changing
and you should love it way more than i hate it
your like my dad fashion sense is outdated
i'm that bloke by the bar when i'm on my round
your that weird guy who never leaves or makes a sound
when the beats start pumping i get my macarena on
my mates drag me to the chair before the end of the song
if the roofs on fire someone dial 999
and you wanna get frank love
it isn't a crime
i'll tell you what i tell every girl
your fit
nice hair
if you don't wanna rush it here's another red square
or i can tell my mates to be round the back with a kronenberg
they'll know where we've ****ing been [yeah! laughs]
[chorus x2]
Don't act like you don't know where i been either mum!
in the pub all the time mum
its about to pop off mum
burn unit