If was a 5th

I never let my right ear know what my left ear done heard
My favorite beer right now is 211 Steel Reserve
If I had a choice to be an animal I'd be a bird
If I had a choice to be a plant, I'd be a herb
If I was in the jungle I'll be nothin humble
Beat a anaconda down and give a lion a muzzle
I'll open up shop under a straw hut
Instead of sellin bananas, I'd sell coconuts
For twenty bucks a pop, I can't stop
They'll be goin like hotcakes, man like IHOP (IHOP)
I make an antenna out of a wishbone
And start my own cable service like I'm at home
Talkin on my cellular phone, watchin the Flintstones
Me and my stable full of broads, me and my Amazons
On house arrest for soliciting, selling sex
And distributing crevices, centerfolds who sex

[Chorus - repeat 2X] + (E-40)
If if was a fifth, I'd be diggin in your girl
Instead of lookin at her (instead of lookin at her)
And if we get hyphy when we want to (when we want to)
Then you bust at everything that we run through (that we run through)
(IF IF WAS A 5TH!)

[E-40]
If if was a fifth, we'll all be drunk
And if this ain't the bump, then what? Skippy's a punk
My folks in the pen be playin punk
My weeple down South in the sticks be sayin crunk
My dudes on the soil be pushin fins
But if you're tardy you probably won't even know what that is
Uhh.. I'm lookin at the ladies
I'm thinkin if she was a car, she would be a Mercedes
I'm thinkin if she was Pat Benatar I could take her back to the 80's
"Hit Me with Your Best Shot," girl I'm off this Bailey's
Me and you baby, one on one, let's have some fun
Me and you baby, one on one, take off yo' thong
The party's just begun and it's a quarter to one
The super dooper turtle tortoise hurtin my lungs
Tattoo on her titty with a ring in her tongue
She off the Seagram's, the Joseph E. Seagram sons

[Chorus]

[Interlude]
Put a fire out now they're suckin me soft
And now they're all on the table drunk peelin it off
Me and Feezy double-fisted the Cali way
Got 'em comin out they clothes in a nasty way
If if was a fifth, she'll be thinkin 'bout you instead of me
(Instead of me) Spendin her money on you instead of me
(Instead of me) Wastin her time on you instead of me
(Instead of me... if if was a fifth)

[E-40]
I'll be on cloud 12, smokin an L
In my burgundy brandy candy convertible dan Deville
In Amsterdam yes I am on a good one
Lookin for some good ol' fashioned turtle
Me and my fellas be on a good one
You're liable to find me up in Alaska shootin dice
Out there hustlin, grittin and grindin, sellin ice
Or pimpin a breezy up out her pants
Sippin imported Louis from Cognac, France

[Chorus]

[Interlude]

[E-40]
VAN-GLORIOUS! (Vanglorious, fo'-shiggedy)
This is protected, by the PEEIMPS
(And who else, who-who else are they protectin?)
The PLAYERS (and and and somebody else right?)
And the hustlers (the hustlers that's right)
With a ki (WITH A KI)
Not a car key (but what?)
BUT A KI (oh a ki, a brick) SISSY (SISSSSSYYYYYYYYYYYYYAHHH!)
Oooh, oooh - BOTCH!