Double diet

[parody of "picture" by kid rock and cheryl crow]
I live on burgers, cheetos, and ice cream
got nothing but lard in my blood stream
guess my sweet tooth was something more than a phase
been fueling up on cupcakes and twinkies
gained so much weight my girl left me
she said to call her if i ever change my ways
I put the pizza away
went on a diet today
i can't wait till i get thin then i'll show her
i put the pizza away
i'm gonna lose some weight
i can't wait till i get thin then i'll show her
I missed you last night at the hotel
i even missed your bacon and beer smell
then it finally dawned on me how to make things right
i pulled up to a fast food venue
ordered everything on the menu
time to go back home and stuff my face
Picked up a pizza today
i'm gonna power binge
i'm gonna eat till nothing's left in the fridge
i'm gonna hit the buffet
i'm gonna gain some weight
i can't wait till i get fat then i'll show him
Been hitting ben and jerry's for breakfast
you know i finally got the hang of this slim fast
since you've been gone
i've been gaining/losing so much weight
i've been jogging instead of taking the car
i've been eating mayonaise straight from the jar
i was making dessert
i was off to lift some weights
Now i'm liking what i see on the scale
so i sent a picture out in the mail
oh hey look you sent one too
let's just.. whoa, hey wait / omg!
I saw your picture today
i see you've changed your ways
you know i think i liked you better the way you were
i saw your picture today
i see you lost/gained some weight
i just called to say don't bother to come back home
i just called to say don't bother to come back home