Dancing with my confusion

Dimmed down bedroom lights
better stay quiet everyones tired
my minds forgetting my mothers advice
you never play with knives and alcohol
its so sad im everything to her
but to me im nothing at all
swallow it take it down drown out this town
and the sound of nothing
that seems to loud to ears waiting
ready to hear a new sound
and eyes that are blinded to all outside lights
maybe i forget to tell myself that these nightmares
cant become real
maybe its nothing
maybe i forget to tell myself that
if dreams come true then nightmares can too
and this monster that eats at my brain and my heart and arms
called growing up
this state is a hand-me-down sweater sown in shit
that ive grown out of and dont want to deal with
but i dont think theres an escape
every city is the same city with a different name
but i would never kill myself
because even now heaven so closely resembles hell
through just another window on the side of
a street that leads to nothing
only circles around itself
so impatiently i wait for change to save me
from this grave i dig myself every night
take my mind away and say that everything will be ok
give it back to me everything will never be the same
self destruct
everything will never be ok