Caved in

[d. turner]
the door opened, in walked my brother
terrified, teary-eyed, i'm wide open
only to hear our father died
it's not true, i'm hopin'
i need some air, i'm chokin
get me off this ride, where's life goin?
feelin' i'm lost, i'm frozen
suspended in mid-traumatized state
why i'm chosen for this fate? i don't know
head shakes back and forth emotional
unsociable, not speakin'
remainin silent, cause i'm weakened
deep inside i'm freakin'
want my father back, i need him
why's god cheatin?
takin' half the two that gave me life
my mind replaces thought, now no longer can i sleep at night
not feelin' right, insecure, now what's my future lookin' like?
ain't dealt with death before, age 11 and can't take no more
my hands on the floor cause my stomachs feelin' sick and i was mad at the lord
because he took him all too quick that day
on his way to pick me up, he never made it
blamed it all on myself, therefore i dwelled in self-hatred
on a path called destruct, many thought i wouldn't make it
i hate it, the way i feel, but i just can't seem to shake it
somebody take it away, this mad situation
my world is breakin' and i feel i'm 'bout to cave in
[chorus x2]
i tried to take it all in
after it all settled i couldn't begin
accepting you were gone, but understood
[d.turner]
hey dad, i miss you, for everyday gone
and for the rest of my life, try to remain strong
until we reunite, live on, your memory
from the seeds you planted gently
thanks for being there for me
and all the time you spent with me
love sent for me(?), if i could only have that day back
to sit down and rap, shoot the breeze and have a chat
but the fact still remains, still later, on the day i have to meet our maker
i write my feelings on the paper, for now
along the golf course where you once played
i see you as i drive by, i feel you like your presence is there
i stop and i stare, i see the pictures of days we shared
well aware that you cared, makin sure i was prepared for life
the hardships, the struggles, the garbage, and the troubles
that come with it, always kept my head lifted
i grip it close to my heart, everthing you taught me
my dad, my hero, you have my love for all eternity
[chorus x4]
i tried to take it all in
after it all settled i couldn't begin
accepting you were gone, but understood